If Moms had Blogs

Up until her incident with pot (the one that got her expelled and arrested), my daughter loved her school. Freshman year she was a cheerleader and field hockey player and a pretty good student.Sophmore year she chose cheering only knowing her grades always suffered a bit when she had too much going on -- hard for her to prioritize and be organized. If she received an A in one class, another had to suffer a C for it, so she was up and down with grades.

When pep rally week came, she was the first one to stay after school to decorate the halls and gym -- she'd wear her pajamas inside out, dress fifties style or whatever else was required for spirit week. She proudly wore her field hockey track suit and her cheering sweatshirt throughout the week.Her teachers mostly had positive comments at teacher conferences, something we were always surprised about, since she could be a real spitfire (putting a positive spin on it) at home. Her report cards always noted "not working to potential", "doesn't hand in homework", "assignments handed in late" right along with the "pleasure to have in class", "good student". Organization and time management was something we worked on forever.

The summer before 11th grade she started smoking cigarettes, and much later we found out that's when she started smoking pot. She also got her driver's license and first job at a fast food place. We didn't question her choice to quit cheerleading when school started, because now she wanted to work weekends and concentrate on her classes -- this year was the most important for college she'd been told.When the first progress report came out, it was more of the usual up and downs, only she no longer had other activities to blame it on. Algebra had always been troublesome and she'd had tutors on and off.

She started having trouble sleeping and then couldn't wake up in the mornings. She was always anxious, stressed out and prone to dramatic outbreaks. Her face drooped and she lost the light she'd always had.I worried that something was wrong and we began seeing a family counselor. The counselor suggested evaluation for depression, and informed us that depression in teens can look different than in adults. One minute they can be happy and social around friends, but have a lot of anger at other times (things that can also seem like normal teen behavior).

While waiting for appointments, the police search at school took place. She was suspended, had an expulsion hearing, and was expelled. We appealed, hoping they would take her good behavior and history into account. They hadn't even looked at her school record. Both the Superintendent and Principal were unaware of her past involvement in school activities or the positive relationships with teachers. The worst thing is that they didn't care that this was the first time in all her school years that she had even seen the inside of a principal's office. All they knew was that she broke the school's rules, and she was out.

We understood that she needed to face the consequences of her actions, but feared that she would continue her downward spiral now that she could not attend any public high school in our State. School was her life -- she needed the structure, the social network to thrive. She lost relationships with school friends since she was no longer part of their world.

The hardest part of this year has been watching my daughter's loss of innocence and joy. Once she was an average teen in an average town, loved her school and her friends. Now she has a seen-it-all attitude and doesn't see the world the same way. The only way I can explain it is that she is hardened.