If Moms had Blogs

After all the self-doubt of the past 6 months, my daughter (MD) decided to go back to high school. She wanted to graduate with her class -- most she had known since preschool.

We met with school officials who congratulated her on meeting all her requirements for re-entry and talked of putting the past behind her and starting fresh. She was excited. I was relieved. Now we could get back to normal.

She shopped for fall clothes, and had her hair cut and colored in anticipation of the first day. She had a good day and people told her she looked so different -- in a positive way. She purchased all the required notebooks and school supplies for all her classes, and I visited each of her classes at open house to make sure I was on top of things this year. I let her know I was impressed with her and all the work she was prepared to do this year. She had two English classes (11th and 12th), US History (11th), Trigonometry, Chemistry, AP Art Portfolio, and a Media Design class -- no study periods. Secretly, I was very nervous.

She was just ending her ADD study and counseling and since she had been diagnosed, we had an appointment to have her try ADD medication to help her concentration in school and hopefully lessen her desire to smoke pot to calm down.

During the first week I received a call at work from the guidance counselor -- MD was having some sort of emotional breakdown and they wanted someone to come pick her up. She had looked out the school window and saw a police car parked next to hers and felt they were targeting her and she freaked out. The guidance counselor gave me the number of a pyschologist. In a private phone conversation, the guidance counselor mentioned she felt there was something going on -- depression, bipolar or anxiety -- and we should make that appointment as soon as possible.

Wednesday of the following week her Dad got a call from the new school nurse. She wanted to excuse MD to go home and get a change of clothes (monthly woman's issue). He gave permission. He didn't realize that this was a ploy she had used with the nurse from last year.

The nurse called me two days later to apologize that she hadn't checked on MD's arrival back at school that afternoon, but she just found out that she never did check back in. That very morning I had sensed that she might be planning to skip school (her clothing gave her away), so I called the school to see if she was there. She wasn't.

The Principal called five minutes later and asked if I had known she was out of school. My answer was no. He then asked if I knew she was out of school the day before, and unfortunately I didn't. The nurse incident was Wednesday, and that was the last morning she was in school. She was now suspended for three days.

The day she went back to school I received a call at work. She was crying hysterically in the girl's bathroom that she couldn't breathe, she had to leave, she just couldn't stay there anymore. She was having another panic attack or breakdown. The sound in her voice scared me. If I didn't give permission, she was going to walk out and risk getting suspended again. We talked, but there was no reasoning with her. She didn't want to quit school or change schools, but somehow convinced herself that if she kept showing up she'd make it to the end of year.

Her Dad ended up getting her from school and spending the day with her, trying to make her realize she needed to make a definitive choice.