If Moms had Blogs

That's what I like to call my way of dealing with things. Just floating along the surface of things. I compartmentalize my life and try not to focus on all things at once or I'm convinced I would just explode. Moms invented multi-tasking, and I'm no different. I can do a million tasks in one day, however, it's the accompanying emotions I need to tuck away in their own little chamber.

When my cell phone vibrates at work, it's usually not a good thing. I'm not a big phone talker and my family knows not to call with the little things. When I answer and absorb what I'm hearing on the other end, I take a deep breath, formulate a plan and then know I can do nothing from where I am. It will need to wait until I've finished the appointments and meetings of the day and once I am on my way home I can begin to deal with it.

It's sometimes like living a double life. Trying not to attract attention, not letting anyone know what is happening. Don't want to appear distracted or incapable to higher ups. Emotions can be seen as weakness.

I've been fortunate to have been able to work part-time jobs or temporary jobs as my daughter was growing up -- sometimes taking on a full-time job for a couple of years when I wanted to purchase a house or like now while my husband is in a mid-life career change and a full-time college student. The only problem with only staying in one job for only a year or two or three, is that you are always proving yourself, never getting to get that cozy, secure, this is my job feeling, and I can relax a little bit. I've never really achieved that balance between family and full-time work -- one always suffers at the expense of the other. There's just not enough of me or my energy to go around. Work can fire me, my family cannot. I prefer my family, but need my job.

I miss the times I spent being a stay-at-home-mom, even when it was only part-time. My house was cleaner, my family was better fed, and I just had more of myself to give to others. Maybe I just had more time and emotional reserve to handle crisis then. I've always envied the physical and emotional energy of others -- I must have been napping the day God handed out those traits. :) How some women do it all is a mystery to me.